Benson & Rollins: Drabbles
by badassbensonx
Summary: I love them. I can't help it.
1. Falling

She had introduced herself and exclaimed that she was a fan of your work.

You had pushed her to the side, with all the other things on your mind, the last thing you wanted was another distraction.

But you had caught the sparkle in her blue eyes.

She was beautiful. She was someone you wanted to know.

You were still getting over your partner leaving, and you needed to heal. You needed to move on. You needed some type of closure.

You wanted to reach out and talk to her. See if she liked the things you liked.

You weren't easy on her, and she knew that you didn't mean it. She knew that you had your walls up high, and she was determined to break them down slowly.

She had made the first move by inviting you out for a drink one night after a case. You politely declined at first then took her up later on the offer.

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah." She simply spoke and gently brushed your shoulder as she walked back to her desk.

You slowly breath out, realizing that was easier than you thought. But you couldn't help but smile at that goddamn sparkle that was still in her eye.

You had only known her for a few weeks.

And in those few weeks, she slowly brought you back together.

She made you happy.


	2. Follow

It was always the cases with the kids that hit you the hardest; it made you think about Noah.

How could someone violate such a small human being, and not feel any remorse? How could someone just throw a baby to the side as if it was honestly just a piece of trash and never look back?

You had so many questions that you didn't want to think about right now. You had just gotten back to the office after a case of a four year old being molested and killed came in. You wanted to go home and cry and hold Noah a little extra tight tonight, but you knew he was asleep at this time.

You sigh and check your watch, not realizing how much later it was than you had thought.

'Going to be home later than normal. Rough case. I owe you.' You send to Lucy. She has been a godsend these past few weeks and you had no idea how to repay her. She was so wonderful and caring with Noah, and she was everything you could ask for in a sitter. Practically Noah's big sister. You cherished her.

You sit back in your chair and slowly breathe out and close your eyes when a knock comes to the door. You look up and see Amanda. You offer a smile and a seat, which she politely declines.

"This... Today... Hurt." She spoke quietly. "I'm going home to my baby and pray that one day this will never happen to children." She shuttered at the thought of seeing that little girl "You should too, Liv."

You smile and shake your head. "Give her a little extra love from me, yeah? I'm gonna sit here for a bit.. Finish up some files. Noah's asleep. He's been tough to get back to sleep these past few weeks. I'll come in a little late tomorrow to make up for tonight." You smile, trying to reassure her you're okay.

Amanda nods and pauses for a moment. "I'm uh.. Here. I'm here if you need anyone." She looks at you and turns to leave.

You sigh and sit back and watch her exit the precinct. You and Amanda had your share of differences, you've threatened to kick her out of SVU twice now, but you keep her. Because you like working with another woman, and you know she's a good detective. You keep her too, because honestly, she's one of your closest friends. You've started to trust her again, and having kids around the same age helped the bond come together again.

You quickly gather your things and pull your coat on. Usually heading to the bar is the one thing that's on your mind. Take a slow and long sip of that whiskey that burns your throat until it doesn't matter anymore.

Usually that would happen. Tonight is different. Tonight you just want to be with someone. "Amanda!" You call out as you walk out the door and the blonde turns and smiles back at you.

"I was hoping you'd follow."


	3. It's Time

It was nearing three am when you woke her.

"Amanda." You cry softly in pain with your hand on your stomach.

It was a miracle that you had come to this point. You had too many drinks one night and had a hookup that led to pregnancy. You never thought you would be able to get pregnant. There was that scare in college, and then again when you were with Cassidy, and it crushed you. And here you are, three years later, having a strangers baby, and honestly, you didn't think you could feel so much love for someone you hadn't met yet.

"What?" Amanda grumbled tiredly.

You and Amanda were an unlikely pairing. You didn't think you even liked women, romantically, well, there was that one time in college and you came close with your former ADA, Alexandra Cabot, but this, whatever it was with Amanda, was real.

You don't really know how it began, but right now in this moment, you couldn't be more in love with her. She's been your rock since you told her you're pregnant. She's gone above and beyond to make sure you're happy, comfortable, anything you needed, she would have it for you.

"I... I think it's time." You reply quietly trying to keep calm. You're nervous and excited, scared out of your mind you're going to screw this up.

Amanda quickly sits up and turns on the light and looks down at you with a smile and put her hand on your belly.

"You're having the baby?" She asked excitedly as a smile forms on your face.

"We're, having a baby."


	4. Hey Bartender

I literally cannot stop writing about them.

You were still getting over him, why? You had no fucking idea. He left you without looking back, and it broke you. You didn't know why you cared so much- oh wait, that's right, you were in love with him.

You had spent so much time thinking of what could've been and not realizing that it was never going to happen. You knew he wouldn't cross that line. You knew he was never going to leave his wife and kids, but still, you secretly hoped that one day he would turn and look at you and say, "I love you"

He didn't. He wasn't going to. And it was something you needed to get over.

He's been gone for months now, you have two new squad members. Rollins and Amaro. In a way, Nick reminds you of Elliot. You try not to let him get too close to you because you're afraid he's going to leave, too.

You tell him little things here and there, and one day you walk in to be told everyone's switching partners. Cap puts you with Amanda, for god knows why, but there's something about her you're drawn into.

She's beautiful, blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. Rosy cheeks and a nice smile. You tried to like her, but being the only female detective at SVU since Jeffries left wasn't so easy. You don't really count Beck because you despised her and wish she never came to SVU.

You found out about her kiss with Elliot and he didn't know you knew. It brought you to a place you didn't want to be at- you loved him so goddamn much.

You sit down at your desk and look at the blonde across from you and offer a smile. She almost reminds you of yourself in a way. Quiet, eager, trying not to step on any toes.

The boys offer to take you and Amanda to the bar after work for a few drinks and celebrate closing what felt like the longest case you had dealt with in a while. You shrug and look up at the two men and smile. "I could use a drink."

Really, you didn't need a drink. You had drank so much after Elliot's departure, you're surprised you even have a liver. You tell yourself to take it easy, after all, you have a new partner to impress.

"What do you know about her?" Your eyes meet Fin's as he smiled a bit. "Go easy on her. She's had a hard past. You gotta teach her the badass Benson way" He chuckled as you smile and roll your eyes and take a slow sip of your whiskey.

Amanda walks over to you and you smile at her and studied her for a moment. The faint scar on her forehead made you wonder what happened, but your eyes roam to hers and you get lost in them for a minute. "What?" She smiles a little confused and finishes off her drink.

"Oh.. Uhh.. I'm.. Sorry.. Your eyes, I guess I just got lost in them." You make a mental note to shut the fuck up while drinking next time.

Amanda's cheeks turn red and you can't help but smile at the fact that she's blushing. "Buy me a drink next time before trying to make a move on me." Amanda laughs as you grin playfully and turn to the bartender.

"Joe, another one of whatever she's having please."


	5. Halloween

Writing in third person for this little one! I had to post before midnight! It's a little shorter than the rest, but I was curious as to see what our leading ladies would be. ;) Glad you guys are enjoying this as much as I love writing them. :)

Happy Halloween!

"Amanda! Olivia called out in a panic. "Ugh!" She groaned annoyed searching all over their room for her costume top.

Olivia and Amanda had decided at the last minute to throw a halloween party- and being completely unprepared wasn't turning out to be the best idea.

"I'm a little busy, babe." Amanda replied from the kitchen trying to prep and not get annoyed from Olivia calling her name every minute.

"If you hadn't begged me to throw a party we wouldn't be in this mess!" Olivia grumbled angrily and finally found her top. "Christ." She muttered again to herself and pulled it on.

"At least I clean up nicely." She laughed to herself and went to the mirror. She pulled her hair to one side of her head and let the curls fall slightly over her shoulders. She finished some final touches on her makeup and adjusted her breasts so her bra made them look a little extra nice. She walked out to Amanda to help her and the blonde couldn't stop staring.

"Okay, wow. Sexy zombie is definitely your best look." Amanda laughed and kissed her lips gently, being careful of her makeup.

"Your Britney Spears school girl look... Definitely a great look on you." Olivia returned the compliment with a grin and checked out her girlfriend.

"Next year we're going out, and not throwing a party. This is too much friggin work!" Olivia laughed and kissed her again, knowing that it was going to be a good night. p


	6. Halloween Part 2

I know I just posted one, but this one came to me after. You're getting the best of both worlds tonight! ;)

You never celebrated halloween, but this year was a little different. You had a baby now and you wanted to experience the fun of trick-or-treating with a child.

You lost out on the opportunity as a child to go out and trick-or-treat with your mother because well- she was a drunk and disposed you most of the time. So you lived a very short childhood before you were forced to grow up. But now that you had a little one, you did everything with him that you could to make up for the lack of your childhood.

You laugh as you watch your son run around the house in his little pooh bear costume chasing Jesse in her Piglet costume.

"We have cute kids, huh?" You smile looking at the love of your life.

Amanda smiles and wraps her arm around your waist and kisses your cheek. "We have the cutest kids, no denying that." She smiles and runs her fingers through your hair.

You smile happily at her and look down at the toddlers and sighed with happiness. You finally have everything you've ever wanted.

You have the perfect son, a soon to be daughter and the most amazing soon to be wife.

"Why are you crying?" She asks you as you smile and wipe your cheek.

"I'm just really happy in this moment... I never want to let it go." You smile and wrap your arms around her body and hug her.

"Happy halloween, Manda." You kiss her temple and take your kids out for the best night of their (your) life.


	7. Trust

A/N: Possible trigger warning, mentions of depression, suicide.

Honestly, I'm really down today and just needed to write my feelings out. Hopefully it helps.

I'm loving your reviews, thank you so much. This one was a little tough for me to write.

/

You never opened up to her about what your past was like... You didn't want her to know about your childhood and your abusive alcoholic mother. You wanted her to accept you for who you were today, and although you knew she accepted you in anyway you came, you were scared as hell that one day your past was going to come back and haunt you.

You never opened up to her about what happened at Sealview years ago, hell, you never even told Elliot, but that was a different time. You didn't want her to think you were damaged goods because of that. You didn't want her to see how bad of shape that night had put you in.

You never opened up to her about Lewis. He still haunts your dreams. You never fully sleep anymore. Between the job keeping you up all hours of the night- and seeing that monster, you were suffering. You knew he was dead, you watched him die. You watched him take his own life in front of you and that's something you can never unsee.

You counted your blessings for Nick saving you and taking you out of that mess- but when you saw Amanda with the blood all over your face, you were sure that she would never want to be with someone so... Broken.

For weeks you turned to a bottle of wine, you can't remember but maybe one night took one too many anti depressants.

Brian could never help. You blamed yourself for the breakup, but you knew it was something that couldn't last. You wanted a family, you wanted to move forward from your past, and every time you looked at him, all you saw were your own demons.

You loved him at one point, and when you finally realized Amanda was reaching out to you, showing more love and care for you than your own 'boyfriend' had, you knew you had to end it.

Amanda was there to pick you back up, and at first it was friendly. You would have movie nights and go out for dinner here and there, maybe a drink after work. You started to fall in love with the blonde who was so eager to meet you years ago.

You let it happen; you fell in love.

You fell in love, but the thing you forgot to remember when loving someone, or even getting to know someone, was trust. Sure, you trusted her, but you knew deep down that you didn't trust her with your biggest secrets. Your biggest insecurities, the scars you had from all your battles. The mental state of mind you were once in, and honestly, were damn scared of that you would one day end back up in that state of mind.

Amanda came home to you one night, an empty bottle of wine on the counter and a half empty glass next to it and your sobs coming from the bedroom. She rushed into you in a panic, honestly afraid of what she was going to find. You found yourself at the bottom of the bottle, hoping that it would take away the pain you were feeling. Hoping that it would make everything better, and you knew from your childhood what it did to your mother, and in this moment, you were so afraid you were becoming her.

"Oh... Honey.. Olivia.." Amanda was at a loss of words, she didn't know what to say because she had only seen you cry on occasion. Amanda didn't know how you were feeling, you never opened up to her.

"I.. Are you okay?" All Amanda could think to say before taking you into her arms and holding your body close to hers.

You sob and shake your head, your words can't be found and you just cry harder. You want to tell her everything, but you're so goddamn scared that the second you begin talking- she's going to leave.

You're scared she's going to leave like Elliot did, like Brian did, like David did. You opened up to three of the most important people in your life at the time, and they all left.

You hold onto her body like a child holding onto their favorite blanket and try to stop your sobs.

"I'm.." You hiccup, "Scared." You finally get out.

Amanda sighs quietly and rubs your back.

"I'm not leaving you, Olivia. I could never leave you, and I never will. Why? Because I love you and you're the most important thing in my life. I don't know what's going on, and I wish you would talk to me, but I respect your space, but I'm worried that one day I'm going to find you passed out in your own vomit." Amanda sighs again, trying not to let her own fear take over.

You know she's right- of course. She's always right. You listen to what she has to say because you care, and you love her too. God, you love her a lot and it's so silly to you that you fell for your partner again, but you knew this time it was real. You knew she wanted to pull you out of the darkness you were in.

You knew in order to heal and recover, you needed to open up.

You finally stop crying and wipe your cheeks and avoid eye contact for a moment before looking up into her beautiful blue eyes.

"I love you too, Amanda." You finally speak and hold onto her hand, "I need help." You slowly breathe out and try to tell her everything.

x


	8. Treat You Better

That damn song by Shawn Mendes, Treat You Better has been stuck in my frickin head and then it came on the radio. Kinda got inspiration from that? (I will never admit that again. LOL)

/

You were happy with Brian. Wrong. You made yourself believe you were happy with him. You two had been on and off for so long and when he finally came back into your life, you needed him. You needed someone to fill the void in your life that you were still trying to fill from Elliot's departure.

You and Amanda had your differences when she first came to SVU. You enjoyed being the only female for so long. But she finally proved her worth and earned your friendship- a rule you made yourself and broke. Never get too close with someone you work with.

Cragen had paired you and Amanda as partners a few weeks into her being there, he said you needed a change. And Amanda was eager to learn your ways. You complained for a few days, saying it would never work. You were wrong. Amanda learned quickly from you and you were impressed at how great of a detective she actually was. Of course you had your doubt because she was so much younger, but it eventually worked out.

You two sat at the bar a few blocks down from the precinct one night after a case closed waiting on the other ones.

"Brian coming?" Amanda asked, her southern accent still strong.

You shrug and take a sip of the whiskey in front of you then look at the blonde.

"He's been undercover.. Or so he says. I haven't heard from him in days." You sigh shaking your head.

You know that his job keeps him out, but you just wish he would tell you when he's leaving, but you know better than that too.

"Why are you with him?" Amanda asks before she can stop herself. The blonde closes her eyes, mentally beating herself up for that.

"Liv, I'm sorry... I just.. I didn't mean for that to come out like that." She sighs and tries to avoid your stare.

You sit and think for a minute, you know she's right. Why are you with him? He doesn't really make you happy anymore, you're basically single. Why are you still so hung up on him?

"No... You're right.. I don't know why I'm with him still. I mean.. I love him.. But I don't think I'm in love with him." You smile sadly and finish off the drink.

"The sex is really great too." You laugh honestly as you earn a chuckle from Amanda.

"But you know sex isn't a reason to stay." Amanda looks at you and bites her lip. She looks down at your hand and puts her hand over it.

"Any girl like you deserves a gentleman." She smiles.

You slowly breathe out, feeling her hand on yours. And something just connects. You feel a spark.

You do deserve a gentleman. She was right. But what she didn't know about, was how much in this moment, you wanted her.

You knew it wasn't the alcohol talking, but you half wish it was. You didn't want to begin falling for someone while you were technically still in a relationship.

"Give me time." You finally speak and look at the blonde with a smile.

Amanda stands up and pulls you into a hug, "I can treat you better than he can." She whispers, and before you have a chance to say anything else, the boys are walking over and greeting you.

/

This is literally the opposite direction I wanted to go with it, it's really cheesy but hey, sometimes you gotta be a little cheesy... Hehe.

Reviews are welcome, thanks guys!

:)


	9. Arrested

A/N: Here's another post! They're just so much fun to write. :)

/

Amanda's POV.

/

You get the call that your girlfriend was arrested and she's going to get her badge taken away. A million thoughts are running through your head and you're confused and scared and you're going to beat her ass at the same time. You call Rafael Barba, not knowing who else to call. Alex hadn't been back from her business trip and you knew she would kill you upon her return for not calling her.

"What do you mean Olivia's been arrested? By IAB again?" Barba questions you and and you shake your head in defeat.

"I don't know! I just.. Got a call from Olivia saying she was arrested and in holding. What the fuck could she have done?!" She hissed angrily.

Olivia was never one to get in trouble- in fact it was usually Amanda. Olivia was the one who would bail Amanda out and well, this sure came as a shock to all of them.

"This has to be a joke... Olivia's kidding. There's no way she got arrested." Barba shook his head. "I'll meet you at the precinct and we'll figure this all out, ok?" He reassures you and squeezes your hand and heads off.

Little did you know, this indeed was a prank that Olivia was pulling on you.

You had pulled a prank on her weeks ago that you were sure she had forgotten. You told her that you were offered a position in computer crimes and you were leaving right then and there. She almost had a heart attack. It wasn't the greatest prank, but she had been on your nerves the past few days and you wanted to get her back.

"I'm going to strangle her." You breathe out and rush to meet Barba at the precinct.

You get there and see a few uniformed officers and you assumed the boys were on a call or out to lunch. But they should've been with Olivia.. Maybe they were at the station she was taken to? So many thoughts rushing through your head. You look up to see her office and the closed doors and blinds.

You never go in there if she isn't in there but her legal information is in there that you needed to get to.

Behind the doors, Olivia was sitting back with her feet on her desk and Rafael across on the couch, both of them sipping a drink and trying not to laugh.

"Where are you, Barba?!" You groan annoyed and rub your temples.

You glance around and decide to just go into her office and grab what you need and go. When you open the door to see her sitting there, you nearly jumped out of your own skin. Half because you weren't expecting her, let alone anyone being there.

"You.. Mother... Olivia Margaret Benson!" You yell angrily as Olivia grins and slowly sips the liquid.

"Karma is a bitch, huh?" She grins and mentally high-fives Barba.

/

Well, I might've pulled some stuff outta my butt like, legal stuff? LOL. Olivia Benson getting arrested? Never again. ;)


	10. Too Late

You had come into SVU at a strange time. Things were changing, detectives coming and going, but the one person you were so excited to work with was Olivia Benson. You had heard a lot about her- she WAS the heart of SVU. You had heard about the loss of her partner, the kidnappings she had been through and somehow she came out so strong..

You wanted her. You wanted to be with her. You two had talked here and there but nothing serious.

You had partnered up with her a few times as well, but kept everything very professional. You didn't want to make a fool in front of her.

You glanced at her and smiled a bit; she was beautiful. She was so beautiful and all you wanted was to take her into your arms and kiss her like you had never kissed anyone before.

You watched as her boyfriend came in and kissed her on the cheek and you envied that. That should've been you. But you waited too goddamn long.

"Goodnight." Olivia smiles at you as she takes the hand of her current lover and heads out the door.

x


	11. I'm Yours

A/N; Sorry I've been away, life got in the middle of things, but here's a little Rolivia, I think I owe that to you guys. Thank you for all the love on the other chapters. :) This one might be a liiiitle sensual. ;) I have major 50 Shades on my mind, I hated the first one but Darker looks sooo good. Please excuse me.

/

AMANDA POV.

"Come here." She grabs your waist and all you see is her dark eyes, wanting more, needing more. She kisses you so deeply and leaves you begging for another kiss, another touch. But you know she's going to make you continue to beg. "Please.." Is what you attempt to get out.

She smiles, the smile that makes your knees weak, the one that you could never resist. Even before you were dating. It was the smile that changed your life, and you weren't sorry for falling for it.

"Please, what?" She speaks sternly, planting kissing along your neck, you shudder and once again are at a loss of words.

"Look at me." She grabs your chin and makes you make eye contact.

"Say it." She kisses your lips as you try to bite her bottom lip as she pulls away.

"I'm yours." You finally give in and she grins and takes you into the bedroom.


	12. Time

A/N: This one hits close to me. It's kind of something I'm currently going through and I needed to write this out.

AMANDA'S POV.

/

You had first laid your eyes on her as she was being transferred out due to matters you didn't know about, nor asked because quite frankly, it wasn't your business. But she had caught your eye- she was beautiful. Short brown hair and big beautiful brown eyes you wanted to stare in forever. You had only exchanged a few words here and there before her final days had come and you wished she didn't have to leave.

You got lucky a few months later, the brunette returned and was paired as your partner. You started to learn her quirks and flaws, the things she was most afraid of, and her biggest dreams. You knew she wanted to be a wife, you knew she wanted to be a mom. You wanted to give her those things but Lord knew she had no idea you felt that way, and you didn't know how to tell her- or even if you should tell her.

You sat down with Fin, he was one of your best guy friends. He always had your back, always was there for you, even when you got yourself into deep shit. You expressed your feelings for Olivia and begged him to keep his mouth shut- which he didn't.

Olivia had found out your feelings and it made her feel some type of way. You didn't know that she was in a relationship because she had never disclosed that. You knew Olivia was a very private person, but she was your best friend and you had hoped that she would tell you everything.

"Amanda?" Olivia asked you one day and your heart beat so hard at the sound of your name coming out of her mouth.

"I heard you had.. a crush on me.." The brunette smiled and your heart melted at that smile.

"Uhh.. Yeah.. Kinda.. It's no big deal." You shrug, when all you want to do is grab her and kiss her, but you keep your cool and brush it off.

"Yeah it is." Olivia smiled again, and you just melted even more. "I think it's sweet... I've had women have crushes on me before but... it's different... and I wish I could do more about it, but I am in a relationship." And those words broke your heart.

All you wanted was to be with her, all you wanted was to show her how much you thought you deserved to have her. You knew you were a good girlfriend, but you needed to back off of her.

You worked on your feelings to try and get over her, but the closer your friendship became, the harder you kept falling, and you kept falling and you couldn't stop yourself. You were in love with Olivia Benson and she had no idea you were that deep in the feelings.

But you played it cool, you watched her relationship blossom into something you wish you had- you wish you had with her. She was so beautiful, in every little way, and the day she got engaged, it broke your heart a little. You knew it was coming, but secretly you didn't want it to happen. You still wanted her to yourself. You wanted to be selfish and wish she was with you, but you knew she deserved the world and that's what she was finally getting.

You were a little thrown off when she had asked you to be her maid of honor, but you took that as such a great compliment, and you couldn't turn it down. You helped her plan every little detail, you helped her with the dress, and God, when you finally saw her in it, you both broke down.

You two had gotten very close at one point, close to the point where you shouldn't have- but you put it behind you and tried to not think about what you could've had. You still hadn't told her you were in love with her, but you knew that she knew you loved every inch and being of her.

When you saw her walking down the isle, your heart broke for how beautiful she looked and wished it was you she was walking to. You were being selfish and you tried to shake that feeling but it hurt like hell and you knew she was finally getting what she deserved.

Love. Happiness. Things you wished you could give her- but time wouldn't allow.


	13. Want

A/N: I love being able to post here and there and still get such great feedback from you guys! I apologize for being MIA but I'm back with a quick fic. Thank you for all the love!

xoxo

/

AMANDA POV

"I really don't want to go out for a drink." You grumbled and watch the grin on Fin'a face grow even wider. You knew he wouldn't take no as an answer, so you just complain and sit back.

"No, you don't want to go. You never want to go, but tonight, Liv is coming out." Fin grins.

Your face lights up and your attention is quickly caught, "Really?" You try to not seem too eager and not let your feelings show but you can't help feel giddy when her name is mentioned.

"I knew that would get your attention." Fin grins again and looks up at Olivia as she walks over.

"You're actually coming out tonight?" You ask, trying to keep your cool around the brunette. She smiles and nods, "It's been a while since I've gotten a drink with you guys... Plus, I heard you're one hell of a dancer." She smirks at you and your heart feels like it's going to pop out of your chest.

Olivia leans down next to you, not too close, but just enough for your ears only, "I hope I get to see those moves tonight." She softly says to you, that brings goosebumps to your body.

You have no idea what to say, and just nod like a fool. "Paperwork on my desk before we leave." She looks at the rest of the team and glances at you once more and winks before turning her heel and heading back into her office.

Olivia Benson knew you wanted her, and you were going to make her want you too.


	14. Dresses

A/N: I appreciate all the love I get from the stories! Taking a third person POV for this one. Enjoy! Reviews always welcome. :)

/

'Must I attend this police gala, whatever it is, tonight? Heels and dresses? Really?!' Amanda jokingly texted Olivia.

The brunette saw the message and chuckled a little to herself and sat back in her chair. 'I enjoy how you're texting me instead of just coming into my office.' She replied before looking up and seeing Amanda walking in.

"How easy was that?" Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes.

Amanda grinned playfully and shrugged and leaned against the doorframe and looked at her boss.

"I'm sure you'll be fine wearing a dress for a few hours. Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone." Olivia laughed.

Amanda rolled her eyes, "I don't want to meet anyone, and I definitely don't want to wear a dress." She laughed again.

"I think it'll be fun, I'll even let you leave early to get ready. See you tonight, Amanda." Olivia smiled and watched the blonde leave.

/Later that night/

"Olivia, you look beautiful as always." Chief Dodds greeted the Lieutenant with a welcoming hug.

Olivia was in a beautiful maroon floor length dress that hugged her curves perfectly. The top was a mesh off the shoulders, sweetheart cut. Her hair fell just below her shoulders, in soft curls. For the first time in a long time, she had genuinely felt good about herself.

Olivia smiled and felt herself blush, "Thank you." She smiled again and scanned the crowd for Amanda and the rest of the team.

Olivia had a crush on Amanda and there was no denying it, but Olivia was sure that Amanda didn't feel the same way. She was sure Amanda was straight and didn't see Olivia like that, so luckily Olivia was able to hide those feelings very well.

When Olivia spotted Amanda, she couldn't help but stare at her. She was beautiful, she really made her catch her breath for a moment.

"Are you happy?" Amanda laughed walking over to Amanda.

The blonde was in a navy dress that fell right below her knees, it was a little on the frillier side that really was driving Olivia crazy seeing her in it. Her hair was pulled back in a neat, but messy low bun and the little strands of hair in front of her face framed her appearance perfectly.

"Uhh, wow. Yeah, you look incredible Amanda." Olivia practically stuttered over her own words, that even threw Amanda for a loop.

Amanda blushed and smiled and looked down at herself. "Thank you, Olivia." She softly said.

Olivia felt something between them in that moment, and she wanted to hold on to it forever.

The two women stayed close together for most of the night, except for when other officers tried to talk them up on dancing. Neither of them could say no, so they danced with the men but couldn't keep their eyes off of each other.

"I don't know what this is," Olivia motioned her hand between herself and Amanda, "But I like it. A lot." She softly spoke into the blondes ear.

Amanda felt the goosebumps go all over her body and suddenly she never wanted Olivia more than she did in this moment, but she knew she had to keep her cool.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Amanda bit her lip and met the brown eyed woman's gaze.

"More than anything." Olivia laughed softly and glanced around and grabbed Amanda's hand before the two rushed out the door to finish their own party elsewhere.


	15. Hold Me

It was late when you rolled over and checked your phone for the time and realized the blonde wasn't next to you.

You frown and rub your eyes and sit up for a moment. "Amanda?" You call your lovers name and swing your feet to the side of the bed and see the light on in the living room.

"Amanda, honey."

You walk over to her and wrap your arms around her from behind while she's looking out the window.

"Why are you awake?" You question and lay your head on her shoulder and gently rubbed her hips.

"My mom called.." Her voice cracked and couldn't let the tears stop from falling.

You turn her body to face yours and you wipe her cheeks. You were confused as to why she was crying, or why she was talking to her mother at three in the morning. You knew they had their differences and wanted to understand.

"I just need you to hold me right now." Amanda cried into your arms and you sigh.

Your heart breaks for her because seeing the one you love, being so hurt, it broke your heart to see her like this.

You take her back into the bedroom and pull her into your arms and hold her while she cries her heart out.

You don't ask anymore questions, but you hold her like you'll never let go.


	16. American Dream

A/N: Based off of parts of the finale. Wanted something quick to write. Here you go. Thank you as always, for all the love.

/

The case the squad had wrapped up was hard.

It hit you harder than you'd imagine, and you wanted to crawl out of your own skin.

You went to extremes you never thought you would have to.

You threatened people in a way you never had before.

You knew you had people to protect and a case to solve, but you wondered if there was ever an end to the tough cases.

You know you could never leave SVU, because it was your home. It was all you knew and you weren't ready to give it up, not yet.

You close your eyes and let the tears just stream down your cheeks.

You don't exactly remember the last time you had cried over a case, but you didn't know how else to express the feelings you had been through with this case.

You wanted the world to be a better place and you knew that you couldn't do it on your own, and you knew the world was ugly sometimes.

But you wanted to try, you wanted to see all the good in the world, but right now, it seemed like there was no good.

You go home to your son, to your girlfriend and just hold them, and pray.

Pray that the world wouldn't be so ugly, that you would be proud to raise your son in this world that you thought was so beautiful.

"You can't be superwoman all the time." She reminds you, and leaves a kiss on your forehead while you're curled up against her.

You wanted to pray the hate away.


	17. I Miss You

_A/N: I am so incredibly sorry for this one, but I needed to write out my feelings on these two and it just worked. Also, I'm sorry for the lack of updating! I hope your summer was well._

You had been broken up for quite some time, and it was incredibly hard on some days to work together.

All you wanted to do was touch her, kiss her, tell her how much you missed her.

But you couldn't.

You were the one to call it off. You remember the day like it had just happened, it was the first time you had endured such a heartache. It was raining, storming, actually. And it felt like your world was falling apart, and there was nothing you could do about it.

" _Why are we talking about this, again?!" You yelled at the blonde. "All you ever do is bring up Cassidy and I, why does it matter? Yes, Amanda, I loved that man, but he wrecked me, and you know what you did? You got me back on my feet and you taught me how to love again, but in this moment, I don't feel that!" You snapped, and immediately, you regretted those words._

 _She took a step back from you and you knew what was coming next._

" _So.. What you're saying.. Is that you don't love me now?" Amanda laughs, choking back tears. "I've gone through hell and back for you, Olivia! All I've ever wanted was you!" She yelled, taking a step forward towards you now. "I gave you everything, and you continuously pushed me away, but now that Cassidy decides to show his face around here, you're running right back to him!" She yells, you've never seen her so upset before, and it was breaking your heart that you were the one doing this to her._

You snap back into reality and notice that Amanda had been standing in your doorway.

All you want is to take her into your arms and hug her and never let go, but you knew that was a bad idea. You knew that even thinking of her in the way you were thinking, would cause you more pain.

"I uhh, was just checking if you needed anything else from me before I left." Amanda spoke, trying to avoid eye contact.

It had been a few months, and on most days, you got along, but on the days you didn't, those were the days that hurt like hell. You wanted to drown yourself in alcohol, but that was behind you, and you had a baby to take care of now.

You look at her and take in all her beauty. You had always found her attractive, even before you realized you liked women, romantically.

Her blonde hair framed her face perfectly, and those big blue eyes. They got to you every time.

" _No..No, Amanda. I'm sorry.. I just.. I wasn't thinking." You try to say how sorry you are, but she cuts you off._

" _I can't do this, Olivia. I really can't. I can't compete for your love any longer. You have Noah, and this job means everything to you. I get that, but we… This isn't working. I want to build a life with you, and you keep telling me soon. What is soon to you, Liv? Huh? Because a year of being together is a lot to throw away." Amanda wiped her cheeks and looked away from you._

 _Your heart was breaking, it felt like you were suffocating. "I…" Amanda laughs at the fact you can't put your words together._

 _You watch the blonde gather up a few things and looks back at you, "I love you, Olivia." And with that, she was gone._

"You left me, Amanda." You speak up, your voice cracking a little.

Amanda sighs and looks at you finally, "We don't have to do this. I just came to check if you needed anything else before I left."

You laugh, shaking your head. "I wake up, every morning, wanting you to be there. So I can kiss you, make love, start a wonderful day."

Amanda closes her eyes and shakes her head. "When I said you don't have to do this, I mean you don't get to do this. You don't get to tell me how much you love me, or want me back when you were the one to tell me you weren't ready for commitment! You don't get to do this!" Amanda is nearly yelling now, and you try to keep her calm.

You stand to close the door and now you're in front of her, wanting to grab her and kiss her and tell her how sorry you are. But you take a step back and look at her.

"Please.. Please believe me, when I tell you how sorry I am. Amanda, God, you were the best thing I have ever had to love in life, besides my son, and I fucked that up, and I know.." You try to hold back tears but it feels like a waterfall is falling off your face. "I love you, Amanda, I have loved you every day of us not being together. I miss you. I miss your laugh, I miss your smile. The way you act when you don't get your way." You laugh a little and wipe your cheeks.

Amanda looks at you and just shakes her head. "Liv.." You always loved the way she said your name.

"I miss you. Everyday I'm not with you." You reach for the blonde's hand, but she pulls away.

"Goodnight, Lieutenant." Amanda turns and opens the door and walks out, tears rolling down her cheeks.


	18. Tingling

This one is for you, Jennifer! ;)

It had been an incredibly long day, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you had been out on the scene with Amanda.

It was nice to go out and work with her. You respected her on a professional level, but on a personal level, it was more than that.

You two had danced around the talk of feelings, maybe shared a kiss here and there, but nothing more than that. You weren't sure if she was fully on the same page as you, and you didn't want to push it and ruin what you had.

So you waited.

You were usually the one to make the first move because you didn't care, you were very straightforward and that's how it had always been. But this time it was different. Something about the blonde detective drew you into her more and more every day.

It was definitely an overwhelming feeling, but at the same time, you felt like she made you complete. With her smiles, and little glances. It had been a while since you had any feelings for anyone, and with Amanda, it came naturally.

"Liv, you were great today. That man nearly fell to his knees begging for you to not arrest him." Amanda laughed softly and looked at her superior.

"Don't you love it when you can make a grown man cry?" You laugh back and take in the beauty of the blonde standing in front of you.

Amanda laughs softly and looks at you. She bites her lip briefly and before you knew it, her lips were on yours. It had felt like time stood still. It was an incredible kiss, something you hadn't felt in a long time and you surely didn't want it to end.

The younger woman pulls away from you with red cheeks and just smiles.

"Goodnight, Liv." Is all she can say before she dips out of the office.

You smile and run your fingers over your tingling lips, wishing you could have another.


	19. Desk

_a/n: even though Rollins is going UC next week, I wanted to take a little AU crack at the aftermath. ;)_

 _rating: not quite t, but not quite m._

 _pov: third person._

 _this chapter is much longer than expected, but it's a little smutty, a little frustrating. read. review. tell me what you think!_

 _xo_

After finding out that Amanda had yet again went undercover without Oliva's permission, it sent her blood boiling.

Olivia had a hard time trusting Amanda, as everyone in the English speaking world knew. Olivia had threated to transfer the younger detective a few years back when she worked with Declan Murphy, and though it was a pain in the ass to sort through, she was thankful she hadn't let Amanda go.

Olivia had thought that they were clear on what she expected from the blonde, but clearly she was mistaken.

Olivia had paced back and forth in her office, debating on whether she wanted to call out Amanda in front of the entire squad. She knew it was highly unprofessional, but she thought that maybe if she did, then it would open the rest of the squad's eyes to not keep another secret like this from her again.

"Boss is gonna have your ass." Fin couldn't help but laugh a little at her. Fin always had Amanda's back, he would talk Olivia down, and that would be that. Fin was good for the team, he kept everyone in line, and would bust someone if he had to.

The blonde nervously chewed on the inside of her lip and looked over at her colleague. "I'm about to lose my job. I shouldn't have been so careless." Amanda ran her fingers through her blonde locks and slowly breathed out.

The door to Olivia's office opened, and stepped out the brunette. Her hair fell gently off her shoulders, and the tight red shirt she was wearing underneath, Amanda forgot for a moment that she was about to be yelled at.

Amanda had to give it to Olivia, she was almost 50 and she was the hottest, most attractive woman she had ever laid eyes on. Amanda thought for a brief moment that she would get away with not getting reprimanded, after all, she _was_ sleeping with the boss.

"How.. Many.. Times.." Olivia slowly talked, trying to not get herself too worked up. "Do you have to jeopardize your career for another damn undercover op?" Olivia hissed through her teeth.

She was pissed, and it shouldn't have, but it was turning Amanda on, to see her girlfriend so upset with her. Well, she wasn't happy that Olivia was upset with her, but the way her nostrils flared and the tone she was speaking in.. Hot.

"Can we not do this here?" Amanda tried to keep her voice quiet, and ignore eye contact from her superior.

"You don't want me to yell at you in front of them? Maybe it'll teach them a lesson to not keep a secret!" Olivia hissed again, she felt her blood pressure rising from how pissed off she was.

It was a mix of being pissed off, and a mix of being terrified out of her mind that Amanda could have gotten seriously hurt and she would've had to found out the hard way.

Olivia took a breath and slowly breathed out. She turned her heel and walked into her office and closed the door and the blinds and sat down at her desk.

She knew if she was going to say anything else, it wouldn't be pretty, so she opted out to relax for a minute.

Amanda was confused as to what had just happened, and walked into her office unannounced and closed the door behind her.

"Why do you do this to me?" Olivia asked, her eyes meeting the baby blues. "I come to work and expect you to come here in one piece, and make it home in one piece!"

Amanda sighed and looked at Olivia, "Liv.. I.. Just.. It was important to me that I did this, and I should've talked to you.. I know.. We haven't had the best track record."

Olivia shook her head and pulled her glasses off her face and ran her fingers through her hair. "We're done here." She spoke, throwing Amanda off.

She was expecting more of a fight, more yelling. Amanda tilted her head, confused and turned for the door, locked in, and walked back over to Olivia.

"I know I scare you, I know I worry you, and for that, I'm sorry." She lifted the brunettes chin.

Olivia's cheeks were on fire at Amanda's touch, she felt herself get instantly wet for her.

There had always been something about Amanda, ever since day one.

" _I followed your work."_

It had been one of the greatest compliments she had gotten from someone on her squad, and she wanted more.

"Amanda." Olivia mumbled and placed her hand on top of Amanda's.

"I'm sorry, Liv." Amanda spoke softly and leaned down to kiss her neck. She slowly lowered to her knees and looked up at the brunette.

They had been intimate many, many times before, but Olivia drew the line at sex in the office. She had been nearly caught in the past by Cragen a few too many times, and though it was funny, but definitely embarrassing.

"Amanda." Olivia groaned softly again, "we.. Can't." She breathed out, enjoying all the soft kisses against her neck.

"I wish you would just give in this once. The door is locked, the blinds are down. It's technically lunch hour.. The guys probably left for the deli." Amanda tried to convince her.

Olivia ran her fingers through Amanda's hair and leaned down to kiss her lips, deeply, gently biting at her lip as she pulled away. "I'm mad at you." Olivia reminded her.

"Then let me make it up to you." Amanda smiled devilishly.

The blonde had a way with her hands. Olivia could always count on having a mind blowing orgasm, and sometimes that's just what she needed… In the middle of the day.

Amanda unbuttoned the front of her blouse, softly leaving kisses on her chest and stomach. "My favorite bra." The blonde grumbled in pleasure. She got Olivia to sit on her desk, incredibly turned on by the sight. "I don't know how long I've wanted to fuck you, on _your_ desk." Amanda kissed her lover again.

The words drove Olivia crazy and she felt like she could orgasm from the thought of Amanda fucking her on her desk.

The blonde let her fingers run over her stomach, leaving more kisses as she worked on getting off her pants. She parted her thighs and kissed the inners of the older woman's thighs and looked up at her. "God, you're so beautiful." Amanda mumbled before pulling off her panties and throwing them somewhere in the office.

Olivia tried to stifle her moans, she knew she could get loud and the last she wanted was for someone to be knocking on the door as she orgasming. "Amanda.. Stop.. Teasing." Oliva's breathing picked up when she felt the blonde's tongue swipe down her center.

That was another thing Amanda was incredibly good at, teasing to the point of orgasm. The blonde grinned playfully.

Within moments, Amanda successfully had her girlfriend begging for another orgasm. "Now, why were you mad at me?"

And with that, Amanda helped Olivia get situated, kissed her lips deeply and walked out of the office, leaving a flustered Benson behind.


	20. Jealous

_a/n: alright, posting the other story made me really want to update this one and give a little jealous angst to it. sorry it's been a hot minute since I've updated, I really have no excuse. thank you for the kind reviews, and I hope you're still interested in this story!_

 _Xo_

Amanda had always been jealous of the people that Olivia had encountered outside of work. She knew Olivia knew a lot of people, and also knew that Olivia would _never_ do anything to intentionally hurt her. Yet, with the thought of Alexandra Cabot coming back, it sent Amanda into a fit of jealous rage.

Amanda had found out the history of Olivia and Alex, and it made her feel for Olivia in a way, because for a long time, that's how she had felt and there was nothing she could do about it unless Olivia had said something, which in time she did. But that was beside the point! Amanda didn't know how Olivia was going to react to the news of Alex coming back, but she sure as hell hoped she wasn't going to act beyond thrilled!

"You seem a little on edge today, Rollins. You good?" Carisi asked, feeling the tension radiating off the blonde.

Amanda shrugged and looked over at him. "Peachy." She smiled through her teeth.

"Cut the crap. What's going on?" Carisi was really never one to pry, he tried to keep to himself and stay out of trouble, but Amanda was his best friend after all, and had every right to pry.

Amanda sighed and ran her fingers through her blonde hair. "I'm jealous man, I really am." She couldn't help but laugh, she was sure she sounded pathetic.

"What?" Carisi asked, not sure why. He heard faint laughs coming from Olivia's office and put two and two together.

"Alex." He chuckled with her. "'Manda, you know you have nothing to worry about. Liv loves you." He smiled and walked over to her.

"Just go in there and talk to them. Try to get to know Alex a little. Yesterday at lunch she seemed nice, definitely knows what she's doing." He shrugged and went to the restroom.

Amanda groaned and hung her head back.

She stood up and made eye contact with Olivia through the window, and felt her cheeks turn red. Why was she jealous of someone who practically looked just like her? She had no reason to be. Olivia didn't have feelings for Alex… Or did she? _I'm just going to storm in there and tell Alex to stay away… No… That's a really bad idea… Fuck… Act cool._

"Amanda, are you okay?" Olivia frowned as the blonde walked into her office. She nodded and looked at Olivia then at Alex.

"Why are you back here?" Amanda just word vomited. _I'm getting put on desk duty._

Alex couldn't help but laugh. "Excuse me?" She raised her eyebrow.

"Amanda." Olivia looked at her subordinate. "If you must know why, I'm filling in on a case that Olivia and I worked on together back in the day." Alex stood up and smoothed out her skirt.

"Liv, it was good to catch up. I'll see you tomorrow." The attorney smiled and hugged her friend.

"I'm not here for her." Alex whispered into Amanda's ear before exiting the office.

Amanda let out a heavy sigh as she heard the door close behind her. "Look-" She began to speak as Olivia cut her off with a kiss.

"I'm mad that you walked in here like that and said what you did. That was highly unprofessional, but I understand." Olivia frowned and sat on her couch with Amanda.

"I.. Wait.. What?" Amanda looked at her confused.

"You're jealous of another hot blonde. I get it." Olivia laughed honestly, which sent Amanda's cheeks to a rosy red.

"I don't want to lose you, Olivia." Amanda sighed honestly and took the brunettes hands into her own. "I've really gone through hell trying to win you over, and Alex… She's just… Perfect." Amanda frowned.

Olivia smiled and cupped her cheek into her hand and leaned in and kissed her again.

"That was the past. She meant a lot to me then, and she means a lot to me now in a different way. I'm all yours, Amanda. I promise." Olivia smiled again and kissed her once more.

Amanda returned the kiss, sighing in relief.

"I was really going to kick her ass if she tried to pull a fast one."

That earned another kiss and laugh from Olivia. "Your jealously is kind of a turn on." Olivia wiggled her eyebrows playfully.

"Now, get back to work. I want those files on my desk before we go home."


End file.
